I’ve decided to share a little more about the journey I’ve been on – as I know how lonely Premature Ovarian Insufficiency (POI) and fertility struggles can be. Although it feels scary to share on here, if my story helps one person, it will be worth it.

So before I get started, here’s a little information about POI…

POI is typically used to mean menopause that comes well before the average age of normal menopause — when you’re still in your teens, 20s, 30s, or early 40s.  Simply put, it means that the ovaries aren’t working properly. They stop producing eggs years, and in some cases even decades, before they should. In addition, the ovaries are unable to produce the hormones estrogen and progesterone, which have important roles in women’s health and well-being. POI is different to menopause that occurs at around the average age (52 years). Not only does it occur at a very young age, but the ovaries often don’t completely fail. This means that ovarian function can fluctuate over time, occasionally resulting in a period, ovulation or even pregnancy, several years after diagnosis. Because of this intermittent temporary return of ovarian function, approximately 5-10% of women with POI may still conceive. Approximately one in every 100 women under the age of 40, one in 1,000 women under 30 and one in 10,000 under 20 experience POI. A spontaneous (natural) early menopause affects approximately 5% of the population before the age of 45.

Daisy Network

I started my period age 9 – what felt like years and years before any of my friends started theirs. I remember starting secondary school and a few of my friends said that they couldn’t wait to start their period – I thought why on earth anyone would want that, it’s bloody awful!!! I really suffered with excruciating period pains and heavy bleeding. It felt like so much to deal with when at school. I’d always get my period during exams too….I’d be in so much pain and I’d find it so hard to concentrate and focus.

A few years later (I can’t remember exactly when….but I think I was around 16) my GP put me on the pill to help manage the painful and heavy bleeding. Looking back now, I wish they had done some tests and looked into why my bleeding was so bad, instead of putting me on the pill to manage it without any investigation to the cause.

Fast forward 7 years, age 23 I decided to come off the pill and my periods returned, for a little while. 

I wasn’t tracking my cycle at this point, in fact I didn’t even realise this was a thing – or of the importance of doing so (your cycle can be a great indicator of your general health as sometimes even the slightest change can be a sign that something is out of balance)! Because of this, I didn’t notice my periods stopping until many months later.

I was experiencing very low mood and what I thought were panic attacks (I have since realised these were hot flushes – they’re pretty intense and scary when you have no idea what’s going on!). I had a lot going on in my life at that point with a string of family losses and my GP put it my low mood and lack of periods down to stress and depression. I was prescribed antidepressants, however these didn’t help as they were not treating the route cause of what was really going on.

I decided to go travelling and before I left I went to the doctor and and they finally did some blood tests because my periods still hadn’t returned. My GP tested my LH and FSH. Unfortunately she took the incorrect decision to not tell me my results as it was just before Christmas and she knew I was going travelling, so she told me to come back for further tests when I came back home.

Whilst towards the end of my travels my periods came back!! I thought everything was fine so I didn’t go back for further tests. They stayed for a while but then became really irregular again with long gaps between each one and extremely heavy and painful bleeding. This coincided with my low mood returning and intense panic attacks (hot flushes) and lots of other symptoms. I kept on saying to everyone that I felt like I was going through the menopause, either that or I was losing my mind.

I decided to go back on the pill to help ease the heavy bleeding and I booked a doctors app with a new GP. They asked why I wanted to go on the pill and if anyone had explained my previous LH and FSH results to me. I said that they hadn’t.

She then leaned over and said ‘I’m so sorry, your test results indicate that you’ve gone through the menopause’. (my results at the time were FSH 106, LH 62).

MENOPAUSE?! I’M ONLY 26!!!

It was a massive shock, but it also felt as if everything suddenly made sense. I wasn’t losing my mind after all…..there was finally an explanation to how I was feeling.

After my diagnosis I dived head first into finding out as much as I could about my chances of having a baby. I wasn’t eligible for IVF to freeze my eggs as I was single and because it was a natural menopause (not forced through medical treatment).

I still felt positive that it would still have my own family, somehow. I didn’t get any support to be honest when looking into my fertility options. I had to go private and I booked an AMH test (this indicates ovarian reserve) and was awaiting the results.

The night before I suddenly thought….what if it’s not good news? So I text my friend to ask her to come with me. As we waited outside I showed her my little AMH graph and said I thought maybe I’d be in the green/amber zone – I was very optimistic!!

We walked in and sat down. The fertility doctor told me that my AMH was 0.001. I was looking on the graph to find it and then he pointed to the bottom line of the graph….and then I realised. My friend started crying and we had to get her some tissues!! I just felt numb, I didn’t really feel anything at that point. He said I’d have a less than 1% chance of ever conceiving naturally and that I wasn’t eligible for IVF as they wouldn’t be able to harvest enough eggs.

A donor egg or adoption were my only options to become a mother.

The year that followed was hard. I don’t know if it really sunk in to be honest. It was such a strange feeling that my own body wasn’t working how it should be. I felt like I had no control. All this along side the POI symptoms (low mood, hot flushes, brain fog, memory loss, aching joints, exhaustion etc) made everything feel more intense on some days.

Eventually I got myself to a good-ish place through yoga and mindfulness. I decided that it was all going to be okay. I’d always wanted to adopt so I focused on this instead.

I went travelling again….and guess what happens! My period comes back!! I’m sure it was because I was super relaxed when I was there!

8 weeks later after we were back home I found out that I was pregnant!!! I couldn’t believe it!!! My gynaecologist said it was a miracle baby, he’s now 3 years old and I can’t believe how blessed I am.

I breastfed him for around 13 months and once I stopped, that’s when all my POI symptoms came back. The hot flushes were more intense than ever and it coincided with me also returning back to work full time.

Since then my periods stopped and I went on HRT to help me to manage the symptoms and to also help protect my bone and brain health due to my lack of oestrogen.

I was desperate to have another baby and I really struggled mentally and emotionally with my lack of periods. I decided to go on the pill again for three months and then come off it to see if my periods would return. I got pregnant straight away!! I couldn’t believe it!

Unfortunately, at around 7 weeks I went to the toilet to find that I was bleeding. I broke down and instantly knew what was happening. This happened during C-19 lockdown, which meant that I had to attend the hospital alone to have a scan. I still had a little hope that everything would be okay. I will never forget how it felt to to lay on the table, all by myself, with nobody there to comfort me when I saw my empty womb up on the screen. I had to go back to the hospital by myself a few more times as they needed to another scan and blood tests to check that it wasn’t ectopic.

I have to say that I don’t think anyone can really understand a miscarriage until they go through it themselves. All the hope and dreams suddenly taken away. I think what shocked me the most was the physical side of the loss. The reminder every time I went to the loo to see all of the blood, the increasingly heavy bleeding and the painful contractions were horrendous.

After the miscarriage my periods didn’t return and I really struggled emotionally with this as it felt like a double loss. I went on HRT again to help manage all of the symptoms.

Just over a year later I fell pregnant!! I’m currently 24 weeks as I write this!!! I honestly just can’t believe it.

If all goes well and i’m lucky enough to breastfeed again, I know my symptoms will return but at least this time round I will know the warning signs from experience and can get help as soon as possible to manage them.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story.

If you have recently been diagnosed with POI I would highly recommend joining the Daisy Network.

The post Premature Ovarian Insufficiency: My Story appeared first on Bloom Yoga Bristol.

What a year it’s been!! Christmas may look a little different this year for many of us, it certainly does for me and this will be my first year to not spend Christmas with my family. 

It can be a time of great joy, or for some a time of anxiety, stress, overwhelm and depression. 
I wanted to share some tips that I hope you will find useful, that will help you to move through this time with a little more ease:

Yoga can help us to embrace this ‘different’ Christmas through practicing acceptance.
 – Can we let go of our expectations?  
– Can we let go of what’s out of our control? 
– Can we find gratitude in what we do have?

I invite you to find a quiet space, to sit or lay down and simply connect in with your body and breath. Notice how your body moves when you breathe. Notice how the breath feels. How it’s cold as it comes in through the nose and then how its warm as it comes out. Then take a deep inhale and release a long sigh – do this 3 times. Once you are feeling settled just ask yourself the three questions above. Notice what comes up, without any judgment. Welcome in the feelings and allow them to flow through you. 

Practice gratitude every day. 

Research has shown that practicing gratitude every day improves mood and depression and creates a happier and more positive outlook. 

There are several ways to practice gratitude: 
– Keep a gratitude journal – write down 3 things a day or 3 things a week that you feel grateful for. However big or small. It could be as simple as the warmth of your bed at night or a hot shower – sometimes we forgot how lucky we are to have these things. My boiler broke three times last winter and it has made me VERY grateful for the warmth of my home! 
– Write a thank you note – this can really help to build relationships. It could be as simple as writing ‘thank you for my cup of tea’ or something else that your partner, child, friend or work colleague had done. It will make them feel appreciated too ? 
– I have a little ritual of getting into bed and then thinking of three things that I have been grateful for that day – I love to share my thoughts with my partner and to hear their three things that they are grateful for too.  
– You can also weave this into your children’s bedtime routine and ask them what their favourite thing was from their day (it’s great to teach them mindfulness from an early age).

Pausing to reflect can really help us to appreciate the little things that we may have missed whilst rushing around and ticking off our to-do lists.

Exercise
Cardio exercise, such as jogging, swimming, cycling, walking and dancing have been proved to reduce anxiety and depression. These improvements in mood are proposed to be caused by exercise-induced increase in blood circulation to the brain and by an influence on the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis and, thus, on the physiologic reactivity to stress. 

Sometimes when we have low mood we don’t want to move. But sometimes, moving is what we really need. 
Plan just 5 minutes of exercises a day – yes just 5 minutes!!! What you may find it that you will do 5 minutes and you will feel great and day by day you will start doing a little longer, not because you have to but because you want to. 

You could start off by putting on your favourite song and dancing like crazy! Shake every part of your body as fast as you can! This will help to release any cortisol (stress hormone) in your body and give you a lovely energy boost and (oxytocin and endorphins) to make you feel good. We sometimes do this as a family and it’s so much fun!
You could also plan a walk/jog with a friend as this can really help with motivation.

Even a walk outside will boost your mood. Wrap up warm and look forward to drinking a nice hot cup of cocoa when you get home. 

Use your breath to calm your body and mind
We use the breath a lot during a yoga practice. We call this Pranayama – life force energy. The breath is what keeps us alive and energised and the way we breathe can drastically affect our body and mind through the nervous system. 

If we take short, panting breaths high up in the chest then this will activate the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight). When this happens our body releases adrenaline and cortisol – which is a natural and positive survival mechanism to enable us to run away from danger (extremely helpful back in the Caveman days). 

Stress can become negative when we face continuous challenges without relief or relaxation in between. As a result, we become overworked and stress-related tension starts to build.

Through the breath we can tap into the parasympathetic nervous system (to encourage rest and digest). We need to take big deep inhales and long exhales. This is called diaphragmatic breathing (a very important technique that I teach in my pregnancy and postnatal yoga classes). This breathing technique helps to slow down the heart rate, lowering blood pressure and respiratory rate and diverting blood supply towards the digestive and reproductive systems. It helps us to feel calm within our body and mind. 

Simply sit down with legs crossed or in kneeling and place one hand on your belly and one hand on your side (on your ribs). Take a big inhale, relax the belly so you can feel it expanding, feel the ribs expand and the heart center lift. On the exhale feel the belly drawing back in towards the spine and the ribs drawing inwards. Take a full inhale and as you exhale sigh the breath out to lengthen the exhale. Repeat for a few minutes. Notice how calm we become when we watch the breath and tune into the movement of our body. 

I teach lots of different breathing techniques in my classes to relieve stress, anxiety, to boost energy or for postnatal pelvic floor recovery so please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Secret Santa
As lovely as it is, sometimes buying presents at Christmas can be stressful and a strain on the bank balance! If like me you have a big family, opt for secret santa for the adults. Honestly, it has removed so much stress and we just buy for the Children and have more energy to put into the time spent together. We use ‘Elfster’ which is a free and online Secret Santa generator & Christmas list app!

You could also make some gifts which can help you get into the christmas spirit too ?  the benefits of this is that it can be a lovely mindful activity as you are concentrating on what you are making and brings you into the present moment. 

Technology & Christmas Quiz!
Try to limit your use of technology this Christmas and resist the urge to look on facebook or instagram (or Twitter, Tik Tok  –  I still don’t understand either of those!). Social media can actually trigger our stress (fight or flight) response, releasing adrenaline and cortisol into the body. 

However, technology can also be used as a lovely way to connect with family during the Christmas period.
Schedule in your video calls with the family over Christmas so you know when and who you’ll be speaking with. You can also organise a family quiz to provide more structure to the call. You could nominate a ‘quizz host’ and ask all of your family members to send them ‘3 facts about themselves’ – the more amusing the better! Then everyone has to try and guess who each one is about. This can be very funny and a great way to get to know your family better – you may also find out some very interesting facts about your family!
When you’re not video calling friends and family, try to leave your phone in another room because…. 

….the best present you can give to yourself and your family this Christmas is to be present.

Be kind to yourself
This is probably the most important tip of them all. Please be kind to yourself. It’s been an extremely tough year and I think we are all feeling the strain and fatigue of it all. You can only do your best and you are perfect just as you are.

The post Mindfulness & Yoga Tips To Get You Through The Season! appeared first on Bloom Yoga Bristol.